Saturday, July 31, 2010

For the Love of ... Silence

I wrote the following essay in April 2010 for inclusion in the book, Love Stories of the Bay. Local artist and graphic designer, Ros Nelson, conceptualized this project back in 1994; the book quickly coalesced after Ros invited local residents to join her in this 2010 collaboration.

Over 40 authors contributed to this collection that covers the gamut of life here on the Bayfield Pennisula in Lake Superior: discoveries made during walks in the woods, a 1,700 mile canoe adventure, butterflies, a great blue heron, a first love, a full-moon boat ride, and much, much more.

A portion of the proceeds from Love Stories benefits the Bayfield Regional Conservancy (http://www.brcland.org/), a not-for-profit regional land trust serving Ashland, Bayfield, Douglas, and Sawyer Counties in northwest Wisconsin. Please visit http://www.blurb.com/ to order your copy and to help us preserve the beauty and the spirit of this lovely bit of heaven on earth....


November 2002. From the moment we unloaded our possessions after hauling them up our quarter-mile driveway into deep woods in the Town of Russell near Little Sand Bay National Lakeshore, my partner and I knew that we would call this place home.

While we settled into our house we embraced the silence of our oak-maple-poplar-birch-cedar-hemlock property. After too many years of city living it soothed and comforted us. Aware of our magical surroundings we declined to hook up a television set and gratefully snuggled into the quiet. Soon, however, we grew irritated with the subtle white noise of our modern-day household: hot water heater, propane furnace, wood stove fan, ceiling fan, and refrigerator motor all sounded louder and more distracting than we’d ever realized.

Eventually our hours, days, and weeks quieted. The temperatures dipped below freezing, daylight disappeared, snow blanketed the landscape, and most living creatures—ourselves included—were invited into hibernation, quiet sleep, and peace.

In the midst of this silence I found space for thoughts and feelings, conversations, long hours of reading, for writing and contemplation -- for me. I didn’t take this gift for granted since virtually everyone I knew rush-rush-rushed through their lives at a hectic pace. No time for family. No time for meals together. No time for sleep. No time to breathe.

I continue to live wrapped in the protective cocoon of these woodlands because, true to my introverted nature, I enjoy the quiet, the changing weather patterns, the hidden sprouts that pop through leaf-covered earth in spring, the brilliant hugeness of green that surrounds me during summer, the peaceful drift of color that floats onto my front step as trees shed their leaves in fall, and the pure winter whiteness that drapes itself over house, trees, and driveway during long stretches of winter. Not only do I enjoy the beauty and quiet of nature, I thrive on it.

In this silence I’ve become better acquainted with the neighbors who inhabit this forest with me. I hear the leaf-crunch footsteps of deer as they graze their way close to the south deck of my house. I recognize the thud of a bird hurtling itself unwittingly into one of our glass windows and I rush to comfort it.

One spring before trees were fully leafed out my partner’s and my work-at-home day sparkled with excitement as we watched a wolf and then a black bear saunter along a path that circled our house. Later, during an afternoon break from my computer work, I walked outside and gazed up to view an eagle gliding overhead.

A common spring sound, the putt-putt-putt of male ruffed grouse flapping their wings in courtship, reminds me of my farm girl beginnings; the sound is reminiscent of a tractor starting. If it weren’t for the prevailing silence, I likely wouldn’t notice these sounds that quietly arise from my wooded yard morning ‘til night.

I feel pleased and honored to observe the lives of my nonhuman neighbors. During daily walks my partner and I search a nearby dirt road for tracks left behind the previous evening or during an early morning outing by a variety of winged and four-footed creatures that use this road as their pathway too.

Several years ago we glimpsed an ermine, still dressed in winter white, racing along a downed tree trunk. During a recent spring walk we spied a porcupine at the top of a tree near the marsh chewing its way through a branch it had snapped off.

In late spring 2009 we encountered painted turtles crouched along the dirt roadway near a small stream and wetlands. They laid their eggs next to the road, covered them, and retreated. We never saw the babies that emerged from these eggs but in some small way we felt like doulas urging these mothers on as they birthed a future generation.

Of course, these silent ventures into nature inspire an even greater appreciation for this beautiful natural world that surrounds me. Each spring I welcome the return of ruby-throated hummingbirds. Their miniature bodies and territorial battles provide hours of entertainment as my partner and I eat our breakfast on the deck beneath them and watch and listen as they race, swoop, and buzz around us. Spring also heralds the return of our beloved Eastern phoebes. We’ve come to know them intimately because of the nest they build over our kitchen window where they hatch two broods each summer.

Even though my partner and I pay the monthly mortgage we feel as if this 25-acre plot of earth, sky, and trees here on the Bayfield Peninsula has been gifted to us. Could it be that some special grace placed us here so that we may live each day drenched in peace and silence while we listen to the wind rush through trees, hear the howls of coyotes at dusk, and wake to a precious chorus of birdsong each morning?

Author Deng Ming-Dao captures the essence of silence—and my experience with it here in my woodland home—with these words from his book, 365 Tao, entry 261:
Seek silence.
Gladden in silence.
Adore silence….
     Once you find deep solitude and calm, there will be a great gladness in your heart. Here finally is the place where you need neither defense nor offense—the place where you can truly be open. There will be bliss, wonder, the awe of attaining something pure and sacred.
Hmm. Yes. Shhh.

Friday, July 9, 2010

What I Learned from My Goose ...

Two weeks ago our goose, Lucy, was forceably taken from us. She and her companion, Ander, were swimming in a small pond near the house when a fox (we think) grabbed her, wrestled her to the ground, and began to drag her deep into the forest.

Luckily, I heard Ander's cry of alarm, saw him run hurriedly past the house, and immediately knew that something serious had happened to Lucy. I raced out of the house, ran to the edge of the pond, and glimpsed a portion of Lucy's body as she struggled with her captor in the tall grasses, weeds, and ferns. Instantly I began to clap my hands and yell Lucy's name. As she disappeared I continued into the forest, yelling and clapping as I ran.

Finally, Frances, who had been upstairs, dashed out of the house and joined me in the pursuit. By this point I was frantic. I felt shock and disbelief that this sweet, lovely goose friend who I'd known and lived with for 15 years was headed toward an untimely and painful end. Soon she would be dinner for a creature of the wild. Yet somehow my noise and activism did make a difference.

Frances followed Lucy's trail of feathers into the undergrowth and eventually found Lucy about 50 feet away from the pond, sitting quietly, bleeding, and struggling to breathe. After Frances carried her back to the house we began the difficult job of locating an emergency vet on a Sunday afternoon. After numerous calls we succeeded.

Frances held Lucy on her lap as I drove. After our arrival the vet quickly evaluated Lucy's wounds and suggested that we immediately start injectable antibiotics, anti-inflammatories/pain meds, and fluids under the skin. She also gave Lucy a steroid to help her deal with shock from the episode. Lucy had two major puncture wounds: one under her wing on the left side of her body and the other in her neck had pierced the larnyx. It was unclear whether Lucy would be able to swallow but it seemed that it was worth a try.

For the next week Frances and I served as primary caregivers for Lucy the Goose. We moved her into our porch and slept with her at the foot of our bed. I gave her Reiki energy work to speed her healing process and Frances was the head nurse who bravely injected the drugs and held open the beak as we delivered food and medicines. We started by injecting medications twice daily, then began to syringe baby food and blended vegetables down Lucy's throat. Eventually we gave Lucy oral meds by syringe. Throughout it all Lucy was gentle, uncomplaining, and immensely patient.

As Lucy began to show improvements and gain energy she started to participate more actively in her own self-care. After a follow-up trip to the vet we stopped at Lake Superior hoping to entice her into the lake in order for her to wet her wings and remove the blood that remainded on her body. The lake was too rough and the waves too forceful but the next day Frances constructed a homemade wading pool for Ander and Lucy. After their swim both geese groomed for hours and, as a result, no blood remained.

By Day Four Lucy tried to eat a bit of romaine lettuce. On Day Five she nibbled a bit of cracked corn. When she ate the corn, she honked out a loud, disturbing sound that seemed to indicate that something was stuck in her throat. But she persisted. The next day the honk was less frequent. The day after that there was no sound at all.

Through it all Ander was a patient and supportive partner. It seemed that just by spending time together his actions inspired Lucy to join in eating and grooming activities that she may have shunned if alone. Ander stopped eating much food himself after Lucy's capture and it wasn't until Lucy's appetite and eating increased that Ander's did as well.

Lucy gently groomed her puncture wounds and, after carefully fluffing and arranging her feathers, held her wings slightly puffed out away from her body in order to allow air to circulate into the area of the wound in order to aid in healing. She slept and rested frequently and gradually increased her intake of both food and water.

Today when you look at Ander and Lucy you would have no clue as to the dramatic life and death struggle that occurred a mere two weeks ago. And so it goes....

This is what I need to remember when I have my own major health episode in the days? years? to come: 1) trust others to help with the healing process; 2) be patient with the sometimes aggressive strategies that may be useful as a first step to recovered health; 3) rely on my partner and friends to inspire/encourage/model behaviors that are healthy and healing for me; and 4) prioritize my own needs for rest and my abilities to offer myself nurturing and self-care.

For, as Lucy reminded me, though medicines and health care providers may be key ingredients in my recovery, I am my own healer.